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ROKER RAMBLE!

Your weekly satirical roundup of the crazy world of football, brought to you by Roker Report's very own John Crocker.

Roker Ramble: The silly season of nonsense news stories has finally arrived in Sunderland!

We all thought he’d gone and then he rears his head again. Yes, William Storey is back, this time with a new band of fake investors.

Roker Ramble: Well, I suppose it could be worse than having Lewis Hamilton as club owner...

We discuss Lewis Hamilton’s Uncle Terry, Luke Edwards biting back and Man Utd’s recent masterplan compared to the treatment of chicks... it’s time once again for the Roker Ramble.

Roker Ramble: Good footballers get angry this week, as the business end of the season arrives!

Cristiano Ronaldo takes his anger out on a young child, Atletico Madrid behave like small children and Kenny Shiels says something stupid...

Roker Ramble: At least there are no conspiracy theorists in Sunderland...

This week we have some bad news for Crawley Town, Bayern Munich misunderstand the substitute rule and Matt Le Tissier chooses a strange hill to die on...

Roker Ramble: Jeff Stelling is not foooooooookin’ leaving!

It’s been a funny old week in football. U-turns (not that one), new records and a chairman who’s pressed the nuclear button...

Roker Ramble: Your weekly round up of all non-Sunderland AFC news

Doesn’t it just warm the cockles when people you suspect have been up to "interesting" things over the years get a little back in return?

Roker Ramble: Sunderland are still rubbish, but it could be much worse, to be fair...

It’s all kicked off this week - with UEFA ignoring world events, Abramovich getting a pasting in parliament, and Michael Owen being a complete clot!

Roker Ramble: It’s a Sunderland AFC, KLD and Madrox special!

... because no one in football looks like bigger herberts this week than the club we all have the unfortunate privilege of supporting.

Roker Ramble: The nominations for football’s whopper of the week are in!

From cats to pricks to getting your kicks, there aren’t enough column inches to give justice to the actions of some absolute idiots in football this week. But we’ll try...

Roker Ramble: A week where Sunderland take the national stage - take note Sky Sports News!

Move aside politics, seven days is an even longer time in football. Wee Phillie undertakes a spot of trespass, ASM takes leave of his senses, and some welcome news for the women’s game...

Roker Ramble: The AFCON bursts into life in Cameroon, and Benitez bursts into flames at Everton

It’s been a funny old week in football. Spare a thought for Ivory Coast’s goalkeeper, referee Janny Sikazwe, Rafa Benitez and... Middlesbrough fans.

Roker Ramble: It’s 2022 - and you thought you’d seen the last of big Mike Ashley? Think again!

Lots of people have lots of problems in football this week: including Mike Ashley, Chester City and Wigan Athletic.

Roker Ramble: It’s 2022! And sadly BT Sport have already set a very low bar on football punditry

No research? No idea? No problem! Come and work for us at BT Sport. Also, we’ve got safe standing and top of the list... clubs playing fast and loose with covid.

Roker Ramble: Christmas is nearly here - and VAR has dished out some early unexpected gifts!

And it’s not just VAR in the headlines - FIFA still think they can have the World Cup every other year. Plus, we look ahead to the January transfer window...

Roker Ramble: Roll up! Roll up! For one week only it’s a Conservative “Party” special edition!

That’s right, our esteemed leaders have decided to insert themselves in your football life again. Also, Sam Kerr dishes out stone-cold justice, and Plymouth Argyle play the scorned ex...

Roker Ramble: Why wouldn’t we want a world where football’s elite mark their own homework?

This week a football chief exec channels his inner Mao Zedong, Qatar goes on a really bad charm offensive, and Belenenses have a Saturday to forget.

Roker Ramble: Your weekly mailbag of interesting bits and bobs from the world of sport

That’s right - this week we feature French crowd issues part XXIX, Jozy Altidore and what’s that... snooker?

Roker Ramble: Premier League clubs decide it’s time to start pressing the big red panic button

Sacking season is in full swing in the top flight, Conte channels his inner PDC and West Ham don’t understand the meaning of "suspended".

Roker Ramble: A reminder that if you think Sunderland had a bad week, others had it worse

...specifically, Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini. Also this week we’re featuring Messrs Warnock, Stelling and Savage. Don’t worry, they fared far better.

Roker Ramble: Wait... other things happened apart from Sunderland’s glorious triumph this week?

This week it’s stupid comments and sexy owners, featuring Ryan Reynolds, Danny Mills aaand Joey Barton!

Roker Ramble: It’s all going wrong up the road, and David Speedie is all about Women’s lib... not

This week’s roundup of football stories unrelated to Sunderland features misogyny, beer and impending implosion!

Roker Ramble: The EFL are going green... and is this the end of football data as we know it?

It’s Thursday, so it’s time for your weekly Roker Ramble: proof there are things happening in the football world outside of Sunderland AFC!

Roker Ramble: Los doo-doos masivo....

Barcelona in the mire - Big Ron steps into the breach, Pep crashes out, Kevin Keegan and.... potatoes. You can’t make this stuff up.

Roker Ramble: FA Cup, FFP, Bielsa & Brentford!

In a stunning turnaround David Luiz looks like a footballer, Pep’s getting picked on, the Bielsa fiesta is Premier League bound, and Brentford just miss out on their calculations.

Roker Ramble: Too much of a good thing?

Too much football on TV, the new reality for Fantasy Football, commentating - where’s the signage for the deaf? Liverpool’s throw-in coach, and more... it’s The Roker Ramble.

Roker Ramble: “It’s what you know, you know...”

So, footy is back and things are certainly different, but has anything really changed?

Roker Ramble: The Final Countdown

"Football has always been crazy for lots of reasons and it’s about to get a whole lot crazier. Enjoy what you can, just don’t expect any of it to make sense" writes Roker Report’s John Crocker.

Roker Ramble: The Money Game

It may come as a shock, but there’s one rule for the ‘haves’ and another for the ‘have-nots’. And when you’re down at the bottom - "It’s a dog-eat-dog world and I’m wearing Bonio underwear". Norm Peterson - cheers.

Roker Ramble: More mental goings on in the pandemic footballing world!

Footballers, haircuts, and Troy Deeney getting in a box. The Spanish guide to post lockdown football, and its link to Glastonbury. And Hull City... outdone by cardboard cutouts.

Roker Ramble: Crisis? What crisis?

It feels like a free-for-all as English leagues try and decide how to finalise the 2019/20 season. Meanwhile footy has resumed in Germany, and is VR the answer to filling stadiums?

Roker Ramble: Is football finally eating itself?

The powers that be will seemingly go to any lengths to get this season finished - no matter what it does to the game itself.

Roker Ramble: Football’s lost its mind thanks to COVID-19!

Neville should’ve paid more attention to Keira Knightly. Pochettino’s heading north? And Spanish clubs are due to be first back on the pitch... What’s the most mental piece of COVID-19 foot news you’ve seen?