Your weekly satirical roundup of the crazy world of football, brought to you by Roker Report's very own John Crocker.
Footballers, haircuts, and Troy Deeney getting in a box. The Spanish guide to post lockdown football, and its link to Glastonbury. And Hull City... outdone by cardboard cutouts.
Neville should’ve paid more attention to Keira Knightly. Pochettino’s heading north? And Spanish clubs are due to be first back on the pitch... What’s the most mental piece of COVID-19 foot news you’ve seen?
There’s only one sensible solution for football’s dilemma; it doesn’t involve masks, Daniel Sturridge (disowned by his dog) the Arab Spring at Newcastle or the FA’s green credentials shot to hell!
Now that we’ve all this time on our hands - what are football’s governing bodies doing to sort out the host of problems currently impacting the beautiful game?
In today’s Roker Ramble: Ancelotti to Merseyside - really? Arteta to Arsenal - they’ll get what they deserve. The spooky truth behind Fantasy Football, Big Dunc, Jonny Evans and Billy Hughes.
"Personally, I’d like to know what pyjamas Phil Parkinson is currently wearing, and I think this should be the first question at his next press conference."
The egotistical, selfish, arrogant, publicity-seeking, media-baiting, delusional, self-centered, vain, conceited, disdainful, contemptuous, overbearing, disrespectful, swollen-headed, tactless, hypocritical, self-righteous not-so-Special One is back - and we love it.
David Moyes to Bulgaria - that’ll teach them; Blue Peter badges making the difference; Marco Silva - only half the man he was, and Lucci - the story continues... It’s the Roker Ramble.
In this week’s Roker Ramble we’re discussing the weird and wacky from this past week in the world of football, including: why footballers kiss their wrists; why Jose Mourinho can *probably* be ruled out as the next Sunderland manager, and loads more...
Mauricio Pochettino mans up, Steve Bruce stands up, Massimiliano Allegri flags up, Zinedine Zidane screws up and Brendan Rodgers measures up - it’s the Roker Ramble.
It’s called football for a reason - so keep your hands to yourself. Why you should never create an unnatural silhouette, and that includes holding a baby. It’s the Roker Ramble!
Pukki Blinders, opulent dug-out displays, child exploitation, battle of the beards, Unai Emery - a man alone, and managers outtakes... it’s this week’s Roker Ramble.
Tammy Abraham rocks and David Luiz sucks but do the teams chasing the Premier League leaders have the right style to succeed? It’s the Roker Ramble.
Football (and the EFL in particular) needs to tighten up right across the board to save another situation occurring like the one we’ve seen unfurl at poor old Bury - and here’s what John Crocker thinks they should do about it.
"How a goalkeeper can let in six goals in a game, make one save and come out the hero... and VAR - can we all just shut the f*** up now, please?"
The BBC goes all tech with MOTD, Gary Lineker - can he make the step up? The new managers face their first challenge... but will FIFA respond to climate change warnings? And sorting out the transfer windows... not. It’s the Roker Ramble!
I’m so far behind in the game that I could be trendy soon, what the best players are wearing this season, and Big Sam could be back in the spotlight - dancing for the first time since he left Sunderland. It’s the Roker Ramble...
What to do if no-one loves you, if no-one wants you, and if the place you love is beset by strife and torment. Fear not, it’s the Ramble - we have the answers…