Your weekly satirical roundup of the crazy world of football, brought to you by Roker Report's very own John Crocker.
We all thought he’d gone and then he rears his head again. Yes, William Storey is back, this time with a new band of fake investors.
We discuss Lewis Hamilton’s Uncle Terry, Luke Edwards biting back and Man Utd’s recent masterplan compared to the treatment of chicks... it’s time once again for the Roker Ramble.
Cristiano Ronaldo takes his anger out on a young child, Atletico Madrid behave like small children and Kenny Shiels says something stupid...
This week we have some bad news for Crawley Town, Bayern Munich misunderstand the substitute rule and Matt Le Tissier chooses a strange hill to die on...
It’s been a funny old week in football. U-turns (not that one), new records and a chairman who’s pressed the nuclear button...
Doesn’t it just warm the cockles when people you suspect have been up to "interesting" things over the years get a little back in return?
It’s all kicked off this week - with UEFA ignoring world events, Abramovich getting a pasting in parliament, and Michael Owen being a complete clot!
... because no one in football looks like bigger herberts this week than the club we all have the unfortunate privilege of supporting.
From cats to pricks to getting your kicks, there aren’t enough column inches to give justice to the actions of some absolute idiots in football this week. But we’ll try...
Move aside politics, seven days is an even longer time in football. Wee Phillie undertakes a spot of trespass, ASM takes leave of his senses, and some welcome news for the women’s game...
It’s been a funny old week in football. Spare a thought for Ivory Coast’s goalkeeper, referee Janny Sikazwe, Rafa Benitez and... Middlesbrough fans.
Lots of people have lots of problems in football this week: including Mike Ashley, Chester City and Wigan Athletic.
No research? No idea? No problem! Come and work for us at BT Sport. Also, we’ve got safe standing and top of the list... clubs playing fast and loose with covid.
And it’s not just VAR in the headlines - FIFA still think they can have the World Cup every other year. Plus, we look ahead to the January transfer window...
That’s right, our esteemed leaders have decided to insert themselves in your football life again. Also, Sam Kerr dishes out stone-cold justice, and Plymouth Argyle play the scorned ex...
This week a football chief exec channels his inner Mao Zedong, Qatar goes on a really bad charm offensive, and Belenenses have a Saturday to forget.
That’s right - this week we feature French crowd issues part XXIX, Jozy Altidore and what’s that... snooker?
Sacking season is in full swing in the top flight, Conte channels his inner PDC and West Ham don’t understand the meaning of "suspended".
...specifically, Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini. Also this week we’re featuring Messrs Warnock, Stelling and Savage. Don’t worry, they fared far better.
This week it’s stupid comments and sexy owners, featuring Ryan Reynolds, Danny Mills aaand Joey Barton!
This week’s roundup of football stories unrelated to Sunderland features misogyny, beer and impending implosion!
It’s Thursday, so it’s time for your weekly Roker Ramble: proof there are things happening in the football world outside of Sunderland AFC!
Footballers, haircuts, and Troy Deeney getting in a box. The Spanish guide to post lockdown football, and its link to Glastonbury. And Hull City... outdone by cardboard cutouts.
Neville should’ve paid more attention to Keira Knightly. Pochettino’s heading north? And Spanish clubs are due to be first back on the pitch... What’s the most mental piece of COVID-19 foot news you’ve seen?