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The Magnificent 7: Mary Poppins ruined by Michael Owen, Neville v Twitter & the perfect hattrick

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Michael Owen’s finest moment since the 1998 World Cup, Keano’s sharp tongue, vegetable-hating Arsenal players and everyone being Boli Bolingoli-Mbombo - here are our favourite moments from the last week in football.

Liverpool v Brighton & Hove Albion - Premier League Photo by Simon Stacpoole/Offside/Getty Images

1. Michael Owen calling out Alan Shearer

I am ashamed to say it, but here it is - I don’t have a pure raging hate for Alan Shearer and in fact I think he’s a pretty good pundit. There we go, I admit it. Shoot me.

However the adoration that came from the Geordie nation for the second rate Super Kev made me vomit into my own mouth as a teenager, and I can’t seem to shake that nauseous feeling in my adulthood. So seeing him called out out by his former strike partner for spitting out his dummy to Sir Bobby Robson back in the day was outstanding.

The poster boy for the Jawdee Nayshun trying to force a move to Liverpool. Brilliant!

Michael Owen isn’t the most wonderful man on the planet, and certainly not the best pundit, but he’s king of Twitter this week.

Soccer - Newcastle United Press Day - St James’ Park Photo by Owen Humphreys - PA Images/PA Images via Getty Images

2. Box Office Roy

You may have noticed our former manager was in the headlines this week for... well, being Roy Keane.

Keano was interviewed for Off The Ball’s football roadshow and was his typical veracious self when it came to describing the individuals he encountered during his time at Manchester United, Sunderland and Ireland.

You couldn’t help but laugh at his blunt honesty throughout and, at least for us Sunderland fans, it evoked memories of his sharp tongue we so frequently seen during his reign on Wearside.

Whilst many of us would love Keano back at the helm one day, there’s certainly scope for a stand up career if he’s finally done with management. He’s hilarious.


3. France vs Albania... or was it Andorra? Or maybe Armenia?

Nobody really enjoys international weekend do they? Most of it passes without incident as we clamour for our local team to come back the following week, but the French did their upmost to take the headlines this weekend by completely ballsing up just about everything in their run up to facing Albania at the Stade de France.

Firstly, as their opposition lined up to proudly belt out their national anthem, they instead played the national anthem of Group H rivals Andorra, much to the frustration of the visiting players and coaching staff, who refused to start proceedings.

With Albanian fans losing their minds and their players looking like someone had just farted in their tea, manager Edy Reja complained to the referee, and a seven minute delay ensued before they played the correct anthem.

Just as the stadium thought the drama was over though, the announcer then accidentally apologised to ARMENIA for the mix up. Crikey.

That’s one way to troll your opposition I suppose. Or lose your job as a stadium announcer.

France v Albania - UEFA Euro 2020 Qualifier Photo by Jean Catuffe/Getty Images

4. Gary Neville on Twitter

Twitter is illogical, ‘cause if I go into a stadium on a Saturday and I see seventy two thousand Man Utd fans and the game is against Crystal Palace and they lose, they’ll be disappointment, they’ll be frustration but if I go on Twitter... if a Twitter atmosphere translated into the stadium, there’d be riots!

They’d be people punching each other, people jumping on the pitch to have a go at the players and the manager. So it’s completely different world. If I go onto the street, nobody says anything, I’ve never had one single person come up to me on the street and say anything that they’ve said to me on Twitter.

I’m in Manchester City Centre for eight hours a day, I pass hundreds of people and it’s all ‘hi Gary, can I get a picture’ you know... not one of them says ‘you’re an arsehole Gary and I think you’re views on this are shocking’.

I wish they would! Cause then I could reflect upon it. It’s an unreal world Twitter.

Spot on, Gary.

FC Barcelona v Manchester United - UEFA Champions League Quarter Final: Second Leg Photo by Matthew Ashton - AMA/Getty Images

5. I’m Bolingoli, you’re Bolingoli, we’re all Bolingoli

In one of the more bizarre Twitter trends, every one associated with Celtic decided they were related to their new Belgian left back Boli Bolingoli-Mbombo this week.

Following their 2-0 triumph in the Old Firm derby last week, their new signing praised captain and Hoops talisman Scott Brown, prompting one fan to reply to one particular tweet from Celtic’s official Twitter page with ‘put Bolingoli at the end of it to make it better’ - and they did! Cue every fan of the Parkhead club following suit.

AIK v Celtic - UEFA Europa League Play Off: Second Leg Photo by Michael Campanella/Getty Images

6. Gunners don’t eat enough of their greens!

At the time of writing, it’s been 117 days since Arsenal last won a cup. Arsene Wenger may has gone after years of uncertainty, but Unai Emery’s appointment at the helm last season hasn’t stopped their Fans’ TV from living in a permanent crisis.

What needs to change at all? The style of play? Do they miss a Vieira like presence in the middle? Is multi-million pound signing Nicolas Pepe just a bit crap? No - none of this matters, and a young Spurs fan seems to have found the answer.

“They don’t eat their vegetables!”. Quite right kiddo.


7. Joe Jacobson’s aesthetically pleasing hattrick

What does the perfect hattrick look like? One with the left foot, one with the right foot and a header? No, that would be far too standard. How about three goals directly from set pieces, including two directly from a corner?

YES! INJECT IT!

That’s exactly what Wycombe Wanderers left back Joe Jacobson did over the weekend, and my God, it was glorious.