36. Carsten Fredgaard
Look, his nickname was Chocolate Fireguard, do I really need to go through the details of why he is on this list?
35. Lilian Laslandes
Ah, the very first experiment in a long line of Quinny replacements that ultimately failed.
I could never quite understand what Laslandes was meant to be. He had a weird physique - small, stocky, pretty poor in the air and hair that resembled Lionel Perez’s 1998 peroxide do.
In fact, on second glance he looks like Sunderland’s award winning hair stylist, Neville Ramsay.
34. Roy O’Donovan
After the success of Reading’s Kevin Doyle, Sunderland - and Roy Keane in particular - decided to follow suit and dip their hands into the Irish league in an attempt to pluck out the latest gem, but sadly found Roy O’Donovan.
Unbelievably Roy cost £650,000. It may seem a small amount in this day and age, but that summer it could have bought you Mark Viduka and Dean Windass and you’d have still come out with change.
Perhaps we should have dropped the O, renamed him Jason and stuck him on at Empire in an attempt to recoup his transfer fee by making him perform.
32. Sotirios Kyrgiakos
I’ll be the first to admit that I felt it was worth it just to hear me Dar try to pronounce his name.
The novelty of that soon wore off as we witnessed the big Greek defender trying, and failing, to keep up with speed merchant Nikica Jelavic during our ill-fated FA Cup quarter final with Everton in 2012.
On looks alone, I can guarantee he was the member of the family who carried all the heavy stuff when they moved house though.
31. Martin Woods
And his blue jumper.
30. Billy Jones
You’re not escaping this list Billy, even if you did score against the Mags.
Heralded at his former clubs, Billy Jones’ name sounded like it came straight from ‘The Beano’, but in terms of cartoon characters, we probably would have been better off with The Viz’s Billy The Fish.
29. Mark Lynch
Crikey, this bloke was rotten. The former Manchester United academy product was brought in during our Championship title winning season of 2005 and couldn’t dislodge regular right-back Stephen Wright, which tells you just how poor Lynch was.
Unbelievably, he actually has a Champions League appearance to his name.
28. Valentin Roberge
Forming part of Paolo Di Canio’s gruesome twosome centre-half pairing, French defender Roberge showed us exactly what he was capable of in our opening day defeat to Fulham.
A game we dominated from start to finish, yet somehow lost when Valentin went on walk-about in the box whilst defending a corner allowing Pajtim Kasami a free-header.
He also repeated the trick a season later, when he gave away an opening day penalty at West Brom.
He now plays in the Cypriot league for Apollon Limassol. Quelle suprise.
27. Modibo Diakite
If there was to be a race between a tortoise, Modibo Diakite, and the amount of time it would take Peter Andre to answer a question on Countdown, the defender would still come in last.
Had a funny green screen gif thingy, though.
26. Ovie Ejaria
Maybe it’s unfair to criticise an untested youngster that was thrown into a club of complete lunacy, but the England u-19 international was absolutely awful.
He came to Wearside with the tag of the ‘English Pogba,’ but that statement couldn’t have been further from the truth.
He seemed to spin in a continuous circle and resembled more a dog chasing his tail than the French superstar.
25. Ian Rodgerson
It really isn’t a good thing when you’re more likely to remember a former player for his involvement in a car crash following a pre-season friendly than you are to recall any of his performances in a red and white shirt.
Sadly for the winger, Derek Ferguson’s pre-season version of Wacky Races meant Rodgerson wouldn’t regain fitness until November (not that he was ever actually fit) when he made his debut in a 2-1 home to defeat to Portsmouth.
With all the crossing ability of Kevin Kilbane wearing his shoes on the wrong feet, it was clear from the onset that the Hereford born winger was a bit of a dud.