After a week and two games in charge, Spurs are on the up and it’s nothing to do with José – or so he says: “I cannot come to this club and think it is about myself.” So, this is not the man we thought we knew - this is the soft and fluffy José, the cosé José, the everything in the garden’s rosé José. He is the selfless one, a man reborn... and he’s given his reasons:
Every club I go to – I arrive, I wear the pyjamas of the club and I even sleep with the pyjamas. I work and I sleep in the tracksuit and pyjamas.
You confuse the tracksuit with the pyjamas.
He even sleeps with his pyjamas? Blinkey blimey, I bet they’ve got his initials embroidered on as well. But confusing the tracksuit with the pyjamas – how does that get past his wife? Well, apparently José has been putting in such long days on the training pitch he’s been staying at ‘The Lodge’ – the six star luxury hotel situated at the Spurs training ground.
Surely there’s a touch of the Spinal Tap about this - because everyone knows that stars only go up to five - but that notwithstanding, surely six entitles you to an assistant positioned at your bedroom door at lights out to ensure you’re suitably attired?
However, the issue gives us a valuable insight into the managerial position at clubs at a time when so many incumbents are teetering on the edge.
Take Everton for instance, they’ve struggled with managers ever since Moyes left. Marco Silva couldn’t scrape a win at the moment and I always thought he was a good manager. He stood out at Hull, and was successful at Watford until Everton came in for him, and it’s all been downhill since then.
And I think I know why – lack of club pyjamas. We know Wayne Rooney has a pair, although he’ll be hoping to get a Derby pair for Christmas, and Moyes probably took the only other pair with him. So all new managers coming in can’t get to wear the club pyjamas – and look what’s happened to them.
Ronald Koeman – did a great job at Southampton, went to Everton and failed miserably. Now - so successful again as Dutch manager that they’ve just qualified for the Euros next summer. His pj’s will be so orange that his wife must be wearing Ray Bans in bed.
No one would doubt that Ole Gunnar Solskjær wears Manchester United pyjamas, but what about Paul Pogba? I think Pogba wears Paul Pogba pyjamas, which is why the team is starting to look like a team again with him out of the picture – you can’t build team spirit without everyone wearing the same pj’s.
Which never happened at Arsenal. Wenger obviously kept the only pair and Swiss Tony had been about as popular as a replacement bus service – and now he’s paid the price. It won’t be mentioned in the press release, but the fact that he wasn’t in the Tony Adams 100% cotton commemorative size tens come tuck-up time played a big part in his demise.
There’s a similar situation at West Ham where the club pyjamas were presented to Bobby Moore by Ron Greenwood after the World Cup win, were never replaced and they’ve been pretty much rubbish ever since. Harry Redknapp, Alan Pardew, Alan Curbishley, Avram Grant, Sam Allardyce all failed to live up to their billing but had, or went on to have, success elsewhere.
Slaven Bilic is currently second from top on the Championship at West Brom yet couldn’t get a tune out of the Hammers. Manuel Pellegrini won the title with Manchester City but looks like he’s going to be leaving East London this side of Christmas. It’s the power of the pj’s, I tell you - ignore them at your peril.
And with Emery gone, Silva dangling and Manuel Pellegrini frantically searching for the right night attire at West Ham, there’s going to be some big changes in the Premier League coming up. However, whilst the current managers of Sheffield United, Bournemouth and Burnley are all being touted as candidates to take over at so-called ‘bigger’ clubs, it’s a well-known fact that there’s only one pair of pyjamas at each of those clubs and once they’re gone, they’re going to be in trouble. So, when a new manager is interviewed for a vacancy, the first question he should ask is - ‘Do you have the pyjamas’?
And, when the new manager is appointed, we don’t want to see them holding the scarf aloft in the publicity photos - we need to see them in their pyjamas. Personally, I’d like to know what pyjamas Phil Parkinson is currently wearing and I think this should be the first question at his next press conference.