Who Are These Jobbers?
If there was ever a compliment we could pay Wycombe Wanderers is that we attempted to appoint their manager. How the mighty have fallen that we were scrabbling around and pitching woo to the flowing locks of one Gareth Ainsworth.
What a moment it could’ve been to see the young Ainsworth striding up to the Stadium of Light with his INXS tribute band and Adebayo Akinfenwa. What a thrill it would’ve been to hear his dulcet tones belting out a rendition of ‘Need You Tonight’ in Quinn’s Bar after a 3-0 home defeat to Rochdale. Imagine how happy little Luke O’Nien would be to see his pseudo Dad get the top job.
Sadly, little Luke will never be made captain and put on free-kicks, penalties and corners because Phil Parkinson was out of contract and Ainsworth preferred to keep his musical talents in Wycombe. So, how bloody convenient it is that this weekend’s opponents are Wycombe Wanderers.
Oh and look at you, Gareth, you’ve got them second in the league. Isn’t that cute? It really is cute. Try not to be total shithouses this time, yeah? Cool.
What’s The Ground Like?
I see you, I see you rolling your eyes at the prospect of another hellscape League One football ground in the middle of an industrial estate. Oh, you think you’re somehow better than a club whose home is down the road from Blowplast, United Biscuits and Synergy Flavours? Absolutely pathetic.
Have some goddamn respect and admire the rolling Buckinghamshire hills rising above the Green King IPA Stand. You’re lucky you’re even allowed in such a pleasant setting after you had the temerity to rip out seats of the Dreams Stand when Big Dunc walloped in the equaliser in March. That cost Wycombe Wanderers £46, don’t you know?!
Anyway, since we’re so bloody big time, Wycombe will once again bestow one and a half parts of Adams Park to us beautiful people.
How Do I Get There?
Bet you’ve missed these five hour journeys, haven’t you?
If you’re driving down to High Wycombe take the A1(M) and M1 all the way down to junction 15A near Northampton. Exit this for the M40 and follow this down junction 4 and take a left for New Road (A4010), turn left for Lane End Road and the ground will present itself. There is parking around the ground for £5 a car while there’s plenty of space available in the surrounding industrial estates.
If you get lost plop HP12 4HJ into your sat nav.
For the big dawgs among you, Wycombe railway station is an absolute trek from the ground. While you can embark on the 50-minute walk, there are Football Special buses which leave from the station at 1pm and 2pm priced at £4 return.
Where Can I Get The Sesh Started?
Among the many abiding memories I have of Adams Park is the luxurious marquee parked outside the stadium. The pre-match excitement was allowed to marinate as we supped semi-cold cans of Coors Light at £3.50 a pop. If you would like to bask in the full League One away game experience, get yourself down to the ground nice and early.
Alternatively, High Wycombe is well stocked with a selection of alehouses to quench your thirst. Immediately outside the train station, you’ll find The Bootlegger on Amersham Hill which, I’m reliably informed, is well stocked with plenty of pilsnerrrrrr. Head into the town and you can enjoy the homely surroundings of The Three Tuns on High Street and the faux Irish surrounding of O’Neill’s on Paul’s Row.
A real gem of a bar, for fans of fancy craft beer, is Mad Squirrel Tap & Bottle Shop on Church Street which dishes out a range of local ales, pilsnerrrrrrrs and ciders as well as an array of delicious pizza. And, if you must, The Falcon on Cornmarket is the go-to Wetherspoons.
Is There Anything Worth Doing Around Here?
Hey, do you like football podcasts you didn’t realise were still going? Of course you do, that’s why you’re reading this right now. Well, if you want to listen to a Mag, a hipster Portsmouth fan and the two others you haven’t bothered to research talk to death about the beautiful game all night then The Football Ramble is on at the Wycombe Swan.
Tickets are priced at £22.50 (my word) and £41.50 if you want a meal thrown in (not literally) as well. You can buy tickets here.
If you’ve had your fill of football for the day and much prefer drinking beer in lederhosen then get your fine derriere to the Polish House which will be holding its own Oktoberfest. Hosted by the Polish Catholic Parish, have yourself a lovely old time with a couple of Tyskies, bratwurst and sauerkraut and have good dance after our inevitable 3-0 defeat.