We’re edging closer to the big day and there is that one little thing that will bring it all together. You’ve already snapped up your Charlton Atheltic tape measure, but you need something to compliment this veritable bounty of gifts.
Don’t worry as here is part two of our guide to having a very League One Christmas.
Hey, have you ever yearned to look like a Yates’ doorman on their day off?
You need the ‘Kenilworth Collection’.
Luton Town are making bold strides to crack the fashion market in the build-up to Christmas and this suave jumper will have you looking the goddamn business the next time you’re climbing through someone’s garden to get to the Kenilworth Road turnstiles.
Alright, I’ll level with you.
I would actually buy this. This jacket looks smart as fuck and to the untrained eye it would appear to have no affiliation to a football club.
On the contrary, it actually looks like something Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson would be shilling in one his Instagram video where his sweaty bald head is gleefully beaming at you from the “Iron Paradise”. If you want to look like southern England’s version of the Brahma Bull then hand over your £45.
Alan Partridge famously got hooked on Toblerone so much that it resulted in him driving to Dundee in his bare feet and watching Shrek in a multiplex cinema.
While it is not guaranteed that Peterborough United’s branded Toblerone won’t have the same effect, it will give you the thrill of pretending you have been on a ferry when you hand this to its recipient.
Among the water bottles, Christmas cards and calendars in Plymouth Argyle’s ‘gifts’ section is the autobiography of Championship Manager legend Cherno Samba.
‘Still in the Game’ charts the career of a footballing nomad who gained a cult following after being inexplicably good on a footballing game which is essentially just checking emails and clicking through spreadsheets.
Why Plymouth Argyle stock this is beyond anyone’s guess, as Samba played a massive 13 games and scoring one goal for the Pilgrims.
As a port city ourselves, we all know how chilly it can get on those winter mornings.
Luckily, Portsmouth have ensured you can scrape that layer of frost from your windscreen while still displaying your love for Pompey with this delightful ice scraper.
Described as “In stock”. there’ll be no waiting around for your heating to come on as you’ll be gliding away and saying “f**k you, Southampton” in the process.
During my thorough research for giving you a League One Christmas, I noticed that both Rochdale and Fleetwood Town essentially have the same club shop.
So yes, you can also pick up a Rochdale jigsaw but why do that when you can have your own personalised Dale notebook which proudly proclaims the instructions “Keep Calm and Take Notes”.
This is not the Brexit we voted for.
Hey, you want to really stick it to those sunbed-stealing Germans the next time you’re trying to use the all inclusive facilities in Lloret de Mar?
Just stick this bad boy of a Scunthorpe United towel down in its place.
Soon as Rudi Voller and the like spot that, they’ll know exactly who’s boss and you can enjoy your holiday without a hint of bother.
There is so much to unpack in Shrewsbury Town’s ‘matchday essentials’ section.
From the face paint to the jester hats to the balloons, there is a plethora of items which the head honchos at New Meadow feel supporters should invest their hard earned dosh in.
However, you can’t go wrong with a foam hand - everybody likes a foam hand.
I am convinced that Southend United’s garden gnome doing an overhead is the result of a malfunction at the gnome-making factory.
There is no way a disgruntled employee hasn’t stuck the grass to the gnome’s head out of spite rather than design.
Honestly, turn it the other way up and it’s clearly in the correct pose for kicking a football, and when have you ever seen a gnome successfully connect with an overhead kick?
Anyway, it’s yours for £20.
Oh you thought I would spare you the embarrassment of Sunderland’s range of tatt with a club crest plastered on it?
Well, think again.
If there is one way to really stick it to the Mags as you jet off from Newcastle Airport is with SAFC-branded luggage wear. However, this is not just a suitcase this your own personalised Sunderland suitcase which costs just a mere £255.
Wait, £255?! For a suitcase?! I mean, I know our finances haven’t been the best over the years but this is ‘The Apprentice episode two’ level of pricing.
When you want to really relax after your big Christmas Day dinner, what better way than sticking on a DVD of the best goals from Walsall’s glorious 2011/12 campaign - a campaign where they reached the dizzying heights of 19th in League One and narrowly avoided relegation.
Whether Walsall felt the need to include all 51 goals they scored in that season remains to be seen.
Have you ever dreamed of recreating a Wycombe Wanderers training session in your back garden? Well you can spend Christmas morning being put through your paces with this speed ladder.
You never know, one day, you could be the next Matt Bloomfield.