A very League One Christmas (Part One): The must-have Chrimbo gifts from each third tier club

The tree is up, the turkey is on order but there’s something missing.

Oh no, you’ve forgot to get that special person in your life that extra special present! What a nightmare! Even worse, you’re completely fresh out of ideas and as you wrack your brain Christmas Day edges ever closer.

Okay, calm down, take a breath.

Think, what could they want? Maybe an item to commemorate Sunderland’s glorious descent into the lower leagues? Yes, of course they want that.

Luckily for you, we have the quintessential list so can enjoy a very League One Christmas.

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Accrington Stanley

When touring the Springfield Box Factory, Martin Prince eagerly inquires whether they would actually get to see an assembled box, to which the head of the box factory chuckles and informs him that that takes place in Flint, Michigan.

Well, turns out that this claim is complete fluff as it actually happens in Burnley... and they also sell Accrington Stanley merchandise.

Among the many Stanley-related items listed on The Plastic Box Shop’s website, the most curious is a Jesse McClure talking doll.

“Who is Jesse McClure?”, I hear you ask. Well, Jesse McClure hosts the UK version of Storage Hunters and is an avid Accrington Stanley fan. He even took part (and failed) in a crossbar challenge at the WHAM Stadium in 2014.

Anyway, you want a talking doll of him? It’s £10 and probably is delivered in a plastic box.

Photo credit: Accrington Stanley

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AFC Wimbledon

You’ve bought a load of presents for your AFC Wimbledon-mad relative/spouse/dog and wouldn’t you know it, they’re all just scattered across you’re living room.

If only you had some kind of vessel to store them in, some kind of bag which incorporates both Christmas and AFC Wimbledon.

Here’s a sack for a fiver.

AFC Wimbledon

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Barnsley

In a South Yorkshire living room in the depths of winter, a wife turns to her husband with a twinkle in her eye. She leans over and whispers into his ear “why don’t I slip into something a little more comfortable?”.

His heart begins to race as she emerges draped in nothing but a fluffy Barnsley dressing gown. His year has been made.

Photo credit: Barnsley FC

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Blackpool

Blackpool fans have been through enough in recent years to worry about being splattered with oil and other foodstuffs when they’re trying to cook up a delicious meal.

No Seasider will have their teatime ruined thanks to this luminous apron, which is handily described as “Blackpool-themed apron” by the club’s website. £9 please.

Blackpool FC

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Bradford City

It seems that club-themed aprons are incredibly popular in Bradford as the club shop seen all of its aprons fly off the shelf.

Luckily, the Bantams have thought of the absolute must-have for the holiday - Bradford City Union Jack flip flops.

Yes, you can now combine your love of Stuart McCall, Dean Windass, James Hanson and Brexit in some stylish footwear that will be the talk of poolside in Benidorm next summer.

Photo credit: Bradford City FC

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Bristol Rovers

Bristol Rovers are not just playing it safe this year - they are absolutely nailing it.

The Christmas jumper is an absolute winner. The bars of Park Street will be filled with stag do’s and bloody LADS sporting their brand new Rovers Christmas jumpters. You can even choose between a reindeer or snowman sporting a Rovers scarf.

Absolute banter for just £18.

Bristol Rovers

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Burton Albion

Amid the wealth of broken links the Burton Albion Online Shop has, there is a little gem that could literally light up your life.

For just £39.99, you can purchase a club-branded LED light to make those cold winter evenings fly by. As Ned Flanders says, “you’re never lonely if you’ve got a fluorescent light”.

Burton Albion

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Charlton Athletic

Charlton have brought out the big guns for their Christmas shopping game as their website has simulated snow falling down the screen. That is the elite behaviour of a team that used to ply their trade in the Premier League - take note Burton.

Christmas mornings may yield a bit of impromptu DIY for fitting that new dartboard or pool table, and luckily with the official Charlton Athletic tape measure (£8.33 excluding VAT) you will have that gift ready to go in no time.

Photo credit: Charlton Athletic

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Coventry City

The term ‘single duck’ is one that fills me with mixed emotions.

While this Coventry City-supporting duck does appear to be having a great time aboard his inflatable donut, there is an overwhelming sense of melancholy about his (or her) existence.

Labelled perennially as a ‘single duck’ is it destined to forever float along this earth in a futile search for a soulmate or is it one those wild free spirits, happy to live the bachelor or bachelorette lifestyle.

Anyway, pay your seven quid and decide for yourself.

Photo credit: Coventry City

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Doncaster Rovers

Doncaster have adopted the look of a mid-level content marketing company with their ClubDoncaster online shop, and they’ve got just the gift to wow your clients at the next big meeting - customised golf tees.

For just £4.95 you can be the proud owner of tees sporting the slogan ‘#ForeverRovers’ as you twat them into oblivion and land that big contract.

Doncaster Rovers

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Fleetwood Town

Keep the kids’ quiet for hours on Christmas Day with a Fleetwood Town FC Street Sign Jigsaw.

Part with just £20 (wait, 20 quid for a pissin’ jigsaw?!) and watch your Joey Barton-enthused offspring’s face light up as not only have they pieced together a street sign for Fleetwood’s Highbury Stadium but this bad boy is also customisable.

Happiness is finding your own name on a Fleetwood Town jigsaw.

Fleetwood Town

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Gillingham

Being ill is rubbish.

As you lie in your bed completely debilitated by a virus breaching your immune system, a card plops through your letterbox.

Your weak, dejected body reaches for the envelope slide out the card and smile as some golden soul has recognised that, yes you are Gillingham’s number one fan and they hope you “get well soon”.

What a delightfully touching sentiment for just £1.70.

Gillingham Town