How Do I Get There?
Everton is one of the simpler drives from the North East. After leaving the A19, head onto the A1 (M) before you're prompted to join the M1. Carry on for just over 10 miles and take junction 42 onto the M62. This will take you through to Liverpool where you exit onto Queens Drive and follow the signs for Goodison Park.
There is parking available at the nearby Stanley Park costing a lovely, eye-watering £10.
For you Massive Lads Fans arriving by train, you will pull into Liverpool Lime Street. From here you can either head to Liverpool Central and catch a train to Sandhills station and jump on a Soccer Special bus or head to Kirkdale station and walk.
However, your best bet is getting a taxi from either Lime Street or the surrounding pubs. Fares are usually around £7 but you do have to endure some of that famous Scouse humour I've heard so much about.
Where Can I Get The Sesh Started?
Unlike many of the big dawg cities like Leeds, Manchester, Birmingham and that London, Liverpool seems to live in its own micro-economic climate. It is the perfect environment for getting the sesh started as soon as you arrive in this fine, fine city.
Due to the sheer ballache it can be to find a decent boozer around the ground, don't let a day out in the 2008 Capital of Culture go to waste. Around Lime Street station is a veritable treasure trove of watering holes including the go-to Wetherspoons outlet of The Richard John Blackler, the equally cheap The Crown or for something a little more upmarket then swing by Doctor Duncans.
However, if you're like me and crave a drinking establishment that combines the cheap prices of a Southwick pub in 1997 with the atmosphere of a bookies when the last greyhound race is about to be screened then get yourself down to The Blob Shop on Great Charlotte Street. This Liverpool institution is like stepping into a time warp where everything is £2.10 and horse racing is constantly playing.
If you've time for a couple post-match then The Ship & Mitre on Dale Street is an excellent choice.
I'm Staying Owa, Is There Owt To Do?
As a former City of Culture, Liverpool is much more than just cheap boozers and betting shops. If you're staying over in this jewel of the North West then you may want to take in a bit of culture post-match (or in the morning when you've got a hangover that can make you see through time).
Head down to the famous Albert Dock to visit the Merseyside Maritime Museum and fascinating exhibition Titanic and Liverpool: The Untold Story. And if you absolutely must you could probably fit in The Beatles' museum if you're the ultimate tourist.
All of you hip young cats will no doubt be screaming "play Sex on Fire" at Kings of Leon at the Echo Arena after the match on Saturday. While for the more refined music fan Firebird Quartet are playing The Capstone Theatre on Saturday evening as well.
Taking the bairns to the match? Well cheer them up afterwards by taking them to see Roald Dahl's The Twits at the Liverpool Playhouse, that'll help them forget all about Romelu Lukaku destroying us for the umpteenth time.
Is The Stadium Any Good?
Ah, the ole Goodison Park ticket lottery. Will you be one of the lucky ones that will actually be able to see the pitch or will you be peering round pillars and crouching down under a ceiling to see us go 2-0 down? That is the magic with another of the Premier League's "proper grounds".
Everton have been desperate to move away from Goodison for as long as I can remember. While it still retains the charm that those Against Modern Football lot fawn over, it is incredibly dated with a tight concourse, numerous restricted view areas and seats that give you splinters (not that anyone sits down of course, we're Massive Lads Fans divvent y'knaa).
And the absolute topper of Goodison is that it is miles away from the city centre so getting a bus, taxi or train on the way back can be a nightmare. It means that more often than not, you have to embark on a camel march back to Lime Street. God, I really hope they move soon.