clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

An alternative Christmas speech for the people of Sunderland

The Sunderland faithful might’ve endured a torrid time in 2017, but we’re not about to let these lowlights cast a shadow on our Christmas spirit. Tom Walsh recaps on the scarce highs and plentiful lows of this calendar year, as we look hopefully toward the next one.

Sunderland v Watford - Premier League Photo by Ian MacNicol/Getty Images

Me fellow marras,

As we once again gather together to gorge on endless amounts of food and drink continuously for a week solid, it is time to look back on the past 12 months and see what we have accomplished. It’s been a tumultuous time for us all and we can now reminisce about what a wild ride it has been.

We’ve had everything really - the continual threat of nuclear war, Nazis parading the streets of America, right-wing newspapers rejoicing because the colour of our passport is changing, James Richardson leaving Football Weekly, the absolute fraud of a result in The Apprentice (honestly, there is literally no point in staging this process if two people end up winning it), Neville Southall being an absolute top lad and a member of the royal family getting engaged but then deciding to put the wedding on a Saturday so none of us can have the day off.

Hasn’t 2017 just been superb?

And then there is dear old Sunderland AFC. Literally, nothing good has happened to Sunderland AFC over the past 12 months. Unless you class winning one home game in a calendar year and seven games in total as a success, it has been pretty woeful.

While it would apt to ramble on; lamenting each of the criminal mistakes our club has made over the past year - that wouldn’t be very Christmassy, would it? Now is not the time for sorrow, it is the time to neck sherry, dress like an imbecile and generally be merry so I thought I’d hand pick some of the best things that happened to us this year.

*Swallows a punnet of Memberberries*

Hey, remember when David Moyes stumbled upon a 3-5-2 formation that worked and we went 4-0 up at half time against Crystal Palace? That was nice. Hey, remember when Big Simon Grayson masterminded a sterling away performance at Norwich City and we leathered them 3-1? That was mint. Remember when we bowled about the terraces of Burton Albion singing about James Vaughan? Or when that lad got accused of having a dump in his seat? Lol, that was funny. Ah, memories.

And that’s it. I can’t think of much more.

Sunderland v Derby County - Sky Bet Championship
Vaughan and Grabbs took turns being the protagonists of those ever-elusive Sunderland wins.
Photo by Mark Runnacles/Getty Images

Personally, I would’ve liked to have used this time to laugh at how we managed to expose David Moyes for the absolute fraud that he is but he waltzed into another Premier League job. Although, we did ruin the career of another budding English manager, so I guess that’s a win of sorts.

I won’t lie, 2017 has been an absolute dumpster fire but there is hope that 2018 will be marginally better (I mean it can’t get any worse, right?). I hope that when we come to this point next year we can fondly look back on 12 months of stability, new ownership and a team that we can be proud of once again.

To all Sunderland fans across the world, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous 2018. Hey, you never know, we could be good next year.

Peace and Donald Love to you all.