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The Roker Report Fantasy League - We’re Back!

Good news if you had a former Sunderland left back in your team - bad news if you had the current one. We’re back from a festive hiatus to give you your fantasy football fix!

Leicester City v Chelsea - Premier League Photo by Laurence Griffiths/Getty Images

Apologies for our absence but the rapid fire games over Christmas made this one pretty impossible to keep up with and then it was FA Cup weekend. Let’s see how things are going, now that we’re back into the swing of things.

Who Are The Leaders & High Scorers?

Since our last update, it’s all change at the top. A new team, Shane Warne’s Flipper, takes top spot this week with high scores from Alexis Sanchez, Christian Eriksen and Tom Heaton firing him into first. It was all about the former Sunderland left back for Jonathan Glover though, as Marcos Alonso brought in 21 points due to his brace and clean sheet. It won’t be the first time Marcos’ name pops up either.

In fact, Alonso is featuring again, straight away. You only have to look to 3rd place to find the team which scored the highest this week - 50 Ton Megalodon who scored 110. Robert Scott made a good choice with his captain too, giving the armband to hattrick hero Harry Kane and there were further goals in his front line through Defoe and Giroud. The fun didn’t stop there either, clean sheets from Tom Heaton, Jose Holebas & Kyle Walker brought in a combined 27 points and Dele Ali & Mesut Ozil’s assists brought in 12.

Who Is Down The Bottom?

It was nice to see Anthony Bunney finally get his act together and climb off the bottom, after spending an obscene length of time there. It’s Matty King’s Moyes N The Hood who are in last place now, after a week where all three of his defenders scored zero points. That meant he’d need some goals from his midfielders and strikers but only Romelu Lukaku provided the goods, unfortunately. Not only does Matty fall to the bottom, he was also the weeks lowest scorer with 19 points. Double whammy.

How Are The Roker Report Team Doing?

Not much has changed at the top end, with Jim Holmes and Dan Parker being the two of us who still look like they know what they’re doing. Jim’s Giroud - Sandstorm sit in 16th place and had a decent week thanks to Sanchez, Hazard and Walker, who were the main culprits in his 56 point haul. Blowing him out of the water though, 50 Shades Of O’Shea racked up 85 points! Kane & Defoe up front, Sanchez, Eriksen & Hazard behind them, Rose, Luiz & Randolph keeping things tight at the back. A lovely old job and that takes Dan up to 31st.

Micky Lough is still somehow fluking his way around the top 50 in 39th. He claims he’s never made any changes to FlyOnTheWingsOfLove but I think since becoming aware of how well he’s doing, he’s taking things a bit more seriously. 60 points for Micky this week, with Everton pair Lukaku & Barkley joining forces to score 10 and 9, respectively.

Good lord, it’s a long, long, long way down to find the next team. You need to get your binoculars out and look all the way down to 185th to locate Tom Atkinson’s Sunlun but they had a canny week, bringing home 64 points. Some of the usual suspects were involved for Tom (Lukaku, Ozil, Erkisen, Heaton) but a gamble of giving Leighton Baines the captaincy didn’t serve him too badly, earning 12. The fact that I’m fourth in the writers table, despite being in 227th really further underlines how badly most of us are doing. I was buzzing for Alonso’s brace and I had Defoe as captain, going a long way to a respectable score of 56 for Champagne Papy Bodji.

There’s a mini league going with a few of us in the lower reaches as you only have to look four places behind my team to find Steel Panthers. Karl Maguire’s forward line of Ibrahimovic, Defoe and Lukaku all got on the score sheet and Alexis Sanchez donning the armband rounded things off rather nicely. Then just three below Karl in 234th, you’ll find Team Simon who did very well this week, with a score of 73. Kane, Defoe, Barkley & Erkisen all featured for Simon at the top end but defensive solidity was key, as Arsenal’s clean sheet at Swansea meant he earned decent points through Koscielny & Monreal. We’re still not out of the mini league yet due to James Henchard’s team falling to 239th. Blackended Roar Mass certainly had a mixed week and is probably best summed up by his four defenders. Two of them (Patrick van Aanholt and the international duty bound Joel Matip) scored nowt but the other half (Nacho Monreal and Cesar Azpilicueta) scored six each.

Finally moving a little bit further down the league and specifically to 260th, to look at how Carl Purvis is doing. It was a high scoring week, with the average points score being 56 and Crystal Phallus fell short, only returning 47. Diego Costa’s late absence caught Carl out and he had Victor Valdes on the bench, who scored 10. Definitely a week to forget.

At least you’re not bottom though, Carl. That space seems to be permanently reserved for Gav. In fairness, if Ice Cream Kone have more weeks like this, they’ll be out of the doldrums soon, as 74 points is not the score of a team in 278th. Well, it literally is I suppose, but you get my meaning. Kane wearing the armband, Defoe & Lukaku adding even more goals, Ozil making one and Walker doing the same as well as keeping a clean sheet. A fine time for the ICK boys.

Who To Pick Next Week

I recommended him earlier in the season but given he’ll be coming up against a patched up team with a poor defensive record, it would make a lot of sense to draft Matt Phillips into your midfield. With 9 assists this season, he’s a bargain at £5.8M and he chips in with a goal now and again too, scoring 4 so far this campaign.

Everton were devastating against Manchester City last week and they face a Crystal Palace side who are yet to win under Sam Allardyce. The form of the Toffee’s has been good lately, losing only one of their last five and Ross Barkley is looking like he’s finding some consistency. A score of 73 points so far this season shows how much he’s contributed to Everton’s attacking play and you can snap him up for £7M.

Ronald Koeman’s current team is are on a good run but his former club certainly aren’t. Southampton have lost their last four, so the inconsistent champions, Leicester City could get back to winning ways at St. Mary’s. If you’re on a budget, Shinji Okazaki is available for £5.7M and you could strengthen at that back by selecting Wes Morgan at £4.8M.

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