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Kone Contract Comment, PVA Que & Defoe’s Cure For Baldness

In today's Roker Roundup: Comment on Kone's new contract, a word for Patrick van Aanholt who has been proclaiming himself as adviser to Sunderland's new boys and Jermain Defoe's hair has us baffled too.

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Kone Kontract Konfirmed - Komment

The Roker Roundup is in a post-Monday, mid-week slump following the Everton debacle. In a bid to cheer the Sunderland faithful, there’s a Super K reunion right there for you ↑.

Now confirmed, one of the K's, Lamine Kone, has finally signed that new deal at Sunderland which will keep him at the club until 2021.

Reports had circulated that the deed was done yesterday. The now legendary "Sources in France" had reported that the grand penning of the deal was carried out on Tuesday. The club’s official website confirmed earlier this afternoon that this was indeed the case.

He’ll be 32, and likely a bit past it, by the time his contract expires. Lamine Kone will have spent six years at Sunderland and given the best days of his career to serving in a red and white shirt when this deal comes to an end.

We’ll look back on the summer just gone and smile ruefully at the time we feared ‘our’ Lamine was heading to Everton in a big money deal.

Except it won’t. It will keep him at the club until such point as someone offers sufficient cash to buy him; and in the meantime he will be even more handsomely paid than he was in order to put himself in the shop window. Most Sunderland fans are simply relieved that, in the short term, our best defender is with us until January at least.

Well handled by David Moyes, the conclusion of the saga came with a clear warning to the Ivorian that performances will be what counts should he wish to continue developing his reputation:

"He has only been playing in the Premier League since January... The challenge for Lamine now is to build on what has been a very positive introduction to English football."

Oblivious to the melancholy felt by the Sunderland faithful at the former fan favourite’s new deal, the club’s official statement on the matter is concluded with a curious invitation:

"Celebrate Lamine extending his stay at the Stadium of Light with a #TeamKone shirt"

Um, no thanks. Presumably they have a lorry load of the things still to shift.

Moving on, why is it always the SiF ("Sources in France") who find out the fate of every Sunderland player first? If I may present just two examples from recent weeks - it was the SiF who first reported that Younes Kaboul was about to leave for Watford and it was the SiF who, last week, broke the news that Joel Asoro was being scouted by every top club in Europe.

Are the French media simply streets ahead of their English counterparts when it comes to sourcing and reporting news? Or do the French have a vast network of spies who still walk among us, despite the best efforts of the residents of Hartlepool in hanging anything that looks like one?

Kommunication Khaos Kaused Katastrophe

More K’s for you there.

Patrick van Aanholt has been talking to the North East press this morning and explaining there are "language difficulties" in Sunderland’s remodelled defence.

If we may, allow us to claim credit for already having predicted such a scenario this season by pointing out that the co-existence of a Senegalese, an Ivorian, a Belgian, a Spaniard, a Dutchman and, most importantly, an Irishman amongst Sunderland's defenders might "invite a tonking or two" before they established a common language.

Ignoring the fact that PVA has clearly been pre-preparing his excuses for the season, his warming to the theme is a bit flimsy, even by our standards. Patrick van Aanholt told the local media:

"Of course the new players need time to adapt…but we need to help them in training and try to speak the same language because it’s very hard to understand them on the pitch."

It does seem a little weak to explain Monday's multitude of errors, which ranged from the ‘whoopsie’ to the ‘catastrophic’, on an inability to shout "Hoy" in four different languages. Admittedly, Papy Djilobodji committed worse, but at least we should now look forward to a swift resolution to the linguistic chaos that is Sunderland’s back line.

Oblivious to the irony herein, van Aanholt continued:

"But we’re training every day with them, so we’re trying to explain to them how to adapt, how to play, and they’re taking it very well".

Nice of Sunderland’s veteran left back to impart his wisdom, and good of the new lads to take it so well. Many Premier League defenders would have laughed in the face of a fellow Premier League defender, who can’t actually defend, trying to lecture them on how to defend.

Patrick, there is a saying about excuses – "It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one" or one I feel is more befitting to this scenario, "He who excuses himself accuses himself", or perhaps best of all, "He who smelt it dealt it".

Jermain Defoe’s Cure For Baldness

Is it extensions? Or is it a miracle-grow which may solve mankind’s quest for a baldness cure?

From being short-shorned at St Mary’s to lengthy two weeks later, how did Jermain Defoe’s hair grow so much that he could tie it in to a bobble on Monday night?

Chilling out #newhairdo #mixingitup #jd18

A photo posted by Jermain Defoe (@iamjermaindefoe) on

Can we get a watch put on it at White Hart Lane this Sunday please. We're expecting waist-length dreadlocks by then.