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Fantasy Football: The Sunderland Way

Dan Parker embarrasses himself with a list of awful puns that you are welcome to take as potential fantasy league team names.

If you’re as sad as me, one of your first thoughts after watching England lose to a nation the size of Lamine Koné’s biceps was about fantasy league football.

I’ve decided that I’m sick of all the excellent (but non-Sunderland) fantasy league team names. Names like Teenage Mutant Ninja Skrtels, Who Ate All Depays, 2 Girls 1 Schlupp, Slumdog Mignolet, Ctrl Alt De Laet and so on are brilliant but don’t float my boat.

There must have been seventeen Inter MeNans in my league last season.

It’s time to say enough is enough. It’s time to demand something a little different. In short, I want Sunderland specific puns.

Let’s be honest, if you are trying to build a successful fantasy league team this season, there aren’t many Lads players you would choose to include. Patrick Van Aanholt and Defoe will most likely be our main point scorers and you could take a punt on Koné or Khazri but, realistically, you would be insane to build your team around Sunderland players.

That’s why I wanted to create a list of Sunderland team names (so that I don’t feel like I’m betraying the Lads when Defoe is my sole Sunderland representative). I’ve seen some good ones in the past: The Arca of the Covenant, Michael Proctor Dre, and Vergini in a Bottle spring to mind. But – as the season approaches and the lack of transfers is putting everyone on edge – I wanted to copy and create some fantasy league team names that apply to our current squad.

Some of these are awful. And I don’t mean Billy Jones awful, I mean Tyson Nunez awful. I apologise for everything you are about to read but, hopefully, there is something in there that tickles your fancy:

50 Shades of O’Shea

O’Shea’s Anatomy

Raging Kaboul

Moyes II Men

Citizen Koné

My Little Koné

Koné and Clyne

Koné M

Game of Konés

Kaboul Express

Show me the Mannone

Friend or Defoe

What Women Watmore

Watmore Can I Say

Me and Billy Jones

The AristoCatts

Hot Rodwell

Rock the Khazri

Life Through a Lens

Tenacious D in the Pickford of Destiny

Just Jordan Pickford

Absolutely Fabio

Saturday Night M’Vila