According to reports today from Daniel Taylor in the Guardian, after a mere 647 days in the job, England manager Roy Hodgson has remembered that England, as well as London, has a north east.
Apparently, Adam Johnson's scintillating form of late has prompted Hodgson into the startling admission that English football extends beyond Watford and the stretch of road between Manchester and Liverpool - and it only took him one year, nine months, and six days to do it.
I, for one, feel deeply honoured to welcome the imperious Tom Cleverley enthusiast to our alien little world, and feel the 15,528 hours it took his holy headbangerness to consider our Premier League hosting city worthy of acknowledgement to be utterly justified.
I mean, we have to be reasonable here. The poor man has only had a meager 931,680 minutes in the job, and there are just so many London reserve squads and benches to get through before our modest little backwater can be considered for a look-in.
I hope no one feels I am being deliberately facetious here and failing to display the proper gratitude. It has only, after all, taken a football manager paid to represent our national game 394 more days to consider a trip to Sunderland than it took the Curiosity Rover to actually travel to Mars. I feel genuinely privileged. I can't wait for the street parties and commemorative mugs.
In all seriousness, if the report is true then I am delighted for Adam Johnson. He deserves a chance to show what he can do. No one can say he hasn't earned it.
But Hodgson can get f**cked. The very fact that the England manager watching in-form Premier League English players in our region is considered 'news' at all tells you how shamefully misrepresented the country is as a whole by the insidious FA.
By our reckoning, this would be the first time an England manager has visited the Stadium of Light in 14 years. Enough said.