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Poyet Unveils Radical New Sunderland Transfer Plans

Surely this has to be some kind of joke? Actually, hang on...

Jan Kruger

With the January transfer window soon to enter its hectic final throws, Gus Poyet has unveiled radical new transfer plans as he attempts to secure Sunderland's Premier League status for next season.

According to the Uruguayan, buying players who don't actually do anything isn't really very clever. Instead, he has proposed the possibility of signing footballers who actually do stuff.

He told the Sunderland Echo:

What I think it is it important to stress, is that we will not bring in players for the sake of it. I promise you that.

We are not going to get in someone just because we think they might come in useful at some stage.

Whoever comes in, there have to be clear reasons for him coming in.

I have brought in Marcos Alonso in for a reason - to improve and change the way we play, to give us an option I felt we needed.

And it will be the same for anyone else who comes in - they will have a clear and obvious purpose.

I think it is important that I will not be bringing in players for the sake of it and I don’t mind repeating that, he said.

We are clear in terms of what we want to do; how far we can go, and we understand that if it is not possible, then it is no problem, we move on.

Obviously, my first reaction here was fear and disgust. I tell thee, I was half way through preparing the bonfire and stake in preparation to burn this dangerous heretic when I suddenly thought: "you know what... that might not actually be a bad idea."

Footballers... who play football, and do so to a sufficient level that they are better than the dross we currently have. That's just crazy enough to work, you know.

I mean yes, we all love a good Cabral moan. In fact the Cape Verdean's mystique has provided one of the more light-hearted narratives of the season so far. But, now we come to think about it, winning football matches and not being rubbish would be a much more enjoyable narrative to cover.

First passing the ball to each other and actually attacking on occasion, now this. Oh Gus, you total madman. You've charmed us again with your innovative ways.