Yep, it's official. He has his own column. Mainly due to his persistence, but also to offer an insight into the more insane side of following Sunderland AFC, the mysterious 'Man on the Street' is going to continue on into the future, offering up his ramblings on all things red and white.
So far, we've started publishing his stuff on a Wednesday, as a) it fits nicely into our schedule, and b) he doesn't seem to like our resident Captain Michael Graham, so it's perhaps a good (or terrible) idea to have them face off against one another on the same day.
Anyway, this week he swears he's not knee-jerking, and has deep concerns about our upcoming date with destiny (or, since it's Newcastle, should that be 'density'?)...
Okay, hear me out. I know I've been accused of being negative for the sake of it, and it's even been suggested that I'm just a parody taking the p**s (I really wish I was guys!). As a result, I'm gonna try tone it down a bit this week, especially since we all need to stick together against them w*****s up the road.
But, try as I might, I can't help but be f*****g bricking it for this upcoming Saturday.
I'll start by looking back on our result at Anfield. Aye, it was a good point, but haway, let's not get carried away eh?
None of you can deny that we were bloody lucky. Hell if it wasn't for that plank with lasses hair, Carol, not being able to hit a cow's a**e with a banjo, we'd have come running home with nowt. Speaking of cow's a**es, wor Anton didn't half attend some good diving classes over the summer; there's not a chance Carol could have pushed that fat back end away as hard as Ferdinand made out he did.
Anyway, we rode our luck, and nicked a point. Cracking goal from Seb, no denying that (still think he's too lightweight though, since when did we become a club that enjoys signing scrawny little midgets?).
The warning signs were there for all to see, though. Firstly, that prat Richardson. Please, just f**k off will you. None of this "oh but he's not a left back" b******s, he's a professional f*****g footballer, he should be able to play wherever the hell we bloody well tell him to.
Second, Gyan. Knackered. Again. Apparently he should be alright for the Mags. Truth be told, I'd rather we didn't bother playing him. Let's be honest, his goals record isn't the best for supposed 'World Cup star', and if he's just gonna come off injured anyway we'd be better off playing that dog-eater instead.
My one main positive from last weekend was Mr Tangerine at the back. Let's be honest, he was f*****g class. Top top debut, best since Varga I'd say.
Problem is, we all know how Varga ended up don't we? And, even if he doesn't go downhill (they usually do with us), I'm willing to bet he'll get crocked sooner rather than later. It'll be back to the drawing board for Doubtfire then.
Right, enough living in the past.
F*****g come on. I hate those black 'n' white b******s more than you could possibly imagine. Ever since 1990 (aye, football existed before 1992, you thick Geordie t***s), when all the stupid a*******s tried to get the game called off, I've never been able to look one in the eye without feeling a bit of hatred. No Mags in my circle of marras, I'll tell you that one for nowt.
And all that is why it pains me so much to admit they're favourites.
They've had a horrible summer, yet they still came out with a cracking result on Saturday. Yeah, Barton's a k**b, but I wish to God he was in our side. Look at the passion in the fella man! He rightly pulled that diving sod up on Saturday night, and then did everything he could for his team to get a result by employing a bit of gamesmanship. It might not be to everyone's taste, but Barton's a clever bloke, and I wish he was lining up for us, not against us.
In addition, they've got spirit. We saw it last year, and we're gonna see it again on Saturday.
I'm worried. I'm sorry but I really am. The Irishman gives Doubtfire too much slack, and the Texan doesn't know enough to really step in and put things right when they inevitably go wrong.
Call me an idiot (I know many already have), but I can see us all going home very disappointed this weekend.