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This Weeks News & Bullsh*t

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So, whilst we've been pre-occupied with providing some absolutely top draw reflections on the season so far, we realise there's been actual news happening too. And you avid reader will have realised that we haven't really mentioned it. The reason being is that with all this stuff going on, we felt that more than 2-3 posts per day would be overkill.

I shall now address some situations that have happened, or indeed not happened at all over the last week. I've got my burgundy suit on, my hair is magnificent, Baxter is by my side, lets get this on...

*Ahem*

The Human Torch, was denied a bank loan...

Monday: Jordan Henderson was called into the England U21 squad for the summer European Championships. Depending on what sort of paper you choose to read, or who you listen to, this has all been because Jack Wilshere couldn't be arsed to play for England, and Jordan took his place. To that I give a resounding "bollocks"... Jordan has recaptured his early season awesomeness, and rightly deserves a place in the team, regardless of Wilshere.

Tuesday: We've got another friendly in the can! This one's away at York City on Wednesday July 13th. This will kick off our pre-season, and it would seem a nice easy test to get back some fitness before we no doubt bugger off to Portugal again. Don't quote me on the Portugal thing, I'm just guessing.

Also on Tuesday, Jay Bothroyd was told he'd be released by Cardiff City having not been offered a new contract. Let the rumour mill begin! The first of many names that will no doubt be linked after Steve Bruce announced he was after 3 Bosman signings. Does Jay even count as a Bosman in this instance? Who cares. Thats also kind of how I feel about any potential transfer to Sunderland. If he comes, that's great he's a decent enough striker. If he doesn't I'm not boo-hooing.

Hang on there a minute, Bothroyd isn't the only player linked with a move to Sunderland, also allegedly we're taking a long hard look at DJ Campbell off of them Blackpools. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to the transfer, other than the fact he played under Bruce before, and its been revealed he can be got for around £1m due to a release clause activated by the Seasiders relegation. My thoughts? See Bothroyd.

Wednesday: Wednesday brings yet more suprious transfer rumours founded on little. Starting with Bradley Johnson of Leeds United, a 21 year old winger available for free, with Norwich City also 'entering the race' for him. There's no truth, and there's no race, but thanks for the link inconsequential-newspaper-I-can't-remember-the-name-of.

Also on the transfer radar is another fella from Blackpool, their Player Of The Season in fact, David Vaughan. Vaughan's a very decent player, and I'd welcome him to the squad, and its been reported that he's agreed a three year deal with us. This was later denied on Twitter by his Missus saying that he has not signed for us at all. The Chris Baird flashbacks begin in earnest.

Early on Wednesday we were also 'entering the race' for Coventry's young keeper Kieren Westwood, by mid-morning news outlets were saying we were 'close to signing' him. How things can spiral eh? If we get this guy, I'll be truly baffled. Is he any good? Yeah he's alright. Is he any better than Simon Mignolet or Craig Gordon? I'm not so sure.

Look, I'm not done with Wednesday yet, hear me out. It would seem we have also agreed another pre-season game, taking on Burnley at Turf Moor on Saturday July 30th for anyone that fancies the trip. I'm certainly tempted.

In addition to that Asamoah Gyan, and Sunderland nearly-man John Mensah took part in a quite bizarre Charity Match for African Peace in Accra, Ghana. An African XI, which looked fairly decent on paper. Best part of the Ghana team plus the likes of Chelsea's Michael Essien & Didier Drogba taking on a very shoddily put together 'World XI' containing the likes of Freddie Ljungberg, Ashley Cole and erm... Dundee's Matt Lockwood! Yes, the Matt Lockwood! Alogn with several of Chelsea's youth team. It's all for charity, a good one at that, lets not get caught up in names.

Anyway, the highlight of the game seemed to be most definitely the half-time entertainment of Asamoah Gyan performing African Girls with fellow songsmith Castro. I'm still hunting down some video.

Oh so you think I'm done with Wednesday?  Think again sucker. One-time Premier League team West Ham United had the temerity to accuse us of 'tapping up' Demba Ba, and reported us to The FA or whoever is in charge of this sort of business. Niall Quinn, the Saintly Niall Quinn, came out rather quickly to defend the club saying "We've never spoken to him, nor are we even interested in Demba Ba"... Now then, even with out my red and white tinted glasses, who are you gonna trust? Niall Quinn, a man once labelled, rightly or wrongly, "Mother Theresa" or two old cockney geezers who look the type you wouldn't want to leave your kids alone with for too long?

Wednesday is now complete.

Thursday: Thursday started off with yet more transfer rumours, and it was an old favourite... Peter Crouch! On his way for £10m... Absolute rubbish, come on Mr Newspapers, get your act together, he's turned us down twice now, you really think third time's a charm? I don't. Story seems completely fabricated. Some might even call it a 'tall' tale!! BOOM BOOM!

Keeper news! We've got keeper news... Craig 'Craigy' Gordon will not be offered a new deal at the present, meaning he could go for nothing next summer! Queue mass panic from some fools, but not me. He's injured, and has been quite alot. At the moment we don't know how he'll respond to the latest operation, so it makes perfect sense to me. Well played Brucey, who said pretty much the same thing.

Other Goalie-keepy news, young starlet Jordan Pickford has been selected for the England U17 squad to play in the U17 World Cup, I think it is. In Columbia or some where? Christ, I should have read this story more thoroughly before writing, but whats done is done. Jordan Pickford is pretty damn good. He's been picked upon by England, and gonna play for him. I like that.

And I'm not sure where to place this. It happened on Wednesday, but Wednesday is pretty full, and I only found out on Thursday, so Thursday it is... Wee Phil McBardsley played 9 minutes for Scotland against Wales in some tournament that all the home nations apart from us are playing in. I don't mind England being excluded from this little soiree, they never bother coming to the World Cups and European Championships when we're there... OH SNAP! (Just kidding people)

We're done for the day. A nice quiet one. Good.

Friday: Alrightyroo, it's Friday! It would appear there's some truth in the Kieren Westwood to SAFC transfer, with our leader proclaiming a new keeper is definitely on the shopping list...

Asamoah Gyan has expressed his frustration at being injured for large parts of the season, and also that he didn't hit his personal target of 15 goals for the season. Trust us Asamoah, we're a bit narked too, but these things happen. A great first season for Gyan, and I'm sure he'll rattle them in regularly next season.

There's a new away kit released too which looks rather magnificent. We've got pics of that right here.

HOLD WHAT YOU'RE DOING... Niall has spoken to the BBC. He says there will be 'no transfers until the summer'... hang on a minute, isn't it 'the summer' now? Well no, not in Football-land... "There's no point in speculating when the season ended 3-4 days ago, the business will be done in July and August"

And thats how this will finish. Definitve word from our leader. Thats was this weeks news and bullsh*t. There probably won't be another one, so enjoy this as much as is humanly possible.

The Roker Report Podcast will be continuing all summer long, even if there's nowt to talk about, we'll do our best to cobble something together, on the No.1 SAFC Podcast... SUBSCRIBE HERE FOR FREE