DISCLAIMER: I made no notes or anything for this. It's a derby, innit?! All time measurements will be beverage based.
Sunderland annihilated Newcastle. Again. It's all too familiar now, but it's canny enjoyable. Let's be honest. Gus Poyet's lads romped to yet another win, their third in a week to be precise, to send them sauntering up the table and feeling a hell of a lot more positive for so many reasons.
Sunderland were without the injured pair of Lee Cattermole and Steven Fletcher, so Liam Bridcutt made his Sunderland début in the middle of the park, screening the back four. Jozy Altidore started up front, with new acquisition Nacho Scocco on the bench after his international clearance was processed in the required time frame. Jack Colback retained his place in the middle of the park in place of Sebastian Larsson.
Newcastle attempted to use the 'player name' based team selection tactic. They chucked a brace of Ameobi's (or should that be Ameobi - plural) on to the pitch. Read on. It didn't really work.
Having been ill this week, I thought I might stay clear of alcohol. After just the third minute I decided to open a can.
After a tiny little bit of Newcastle having the ball, Sunderland started to get to grips with the game. Ki and Briductt in the middle of the park were just excellent and settled things right down. We passed it, manoeuvring the Newcastle side all over the park. They just couldn't cope. Our composure in the face of such a difficult atmosphere and pressure situation was pretty remarkable.
Altidore really started to put the squeeze on the Newcastle centre backs, whilst Borini and Johnson weren't giving an inch to the Mag full backs. After Marcos Alonso missed an early chance around four gulps into my first beer, it looked as though we were definitely right up for it. The consistent, controlled pressure told midway through the second beer.
Bardsley and Johnson combined again down the right. The former broke into the box, only to be clumsily halted by Vernon Anita. PENALTY! Borini stepped up and made no mistake. He roofed it. 0-1 Sunderland on 19 minutes.
It only took moments for us to double our lead. Coming to the end of the second beer and Sunderland decided to crown it with a lovely old move. A ball fed into the feet of the outstanding Altidore saw him flick into the path of Jack Colback. Jack then made the Geordie panda look a fool, striking a ball which Tim Krul could only parry across goal into the path of a gleeful Adam Johnson. He slammed it home from six yards. 2-0 after 23 minutes. Dreamland for Sunderland.
It was truly astonishing how easy it was. Sunderland controlled the game, with Newcastle resorting to long distance pot shots. Borini, Altidore and Johnson continued to run riot and made the Newcastle back four look silly up until half time.
PEEP! PEEP! Newcastle United 0 - 2 Sunderland.
Newcastle abandoned the second name experiment at the start of the second half. Luuk De Jong made his début after signing a few days ago, replacing little Ameobi.
I was expecting the second half to be tough. I thought they would come right at us for the first 15 minutes and pile the pressure on. But yet again the holy triumvirate of Ki, Colback and Bridcutt just simmered it all down. It was like taking candy from a baby at times for these boys.
With a rejuvenated, both mentally and sexually, Phil Bardsley and the increasingly impressive Alonso snuffing out issues, it was fair to say we were starting to relax.
Newcastle had a decent spell around the four beer mark. Sheerla forced a save from Don Vito, then from the resulting corner he nearly made Sunderland pay again. Borini headed away from the goal line, though it looked as though the ball was heading wide anyway.
Then Jozy Altidore should have made it three. Finding himself one on one with the Krul, he tried to glide around him, but the keeper read the situation well to be fair to him and gathered the ball the U.S. international's feet. A shame for the big lad. He deserved a goal for his mammoth performance.
At some point in the second half, AJ turned into Messi and waltzed through the Newcastle back line before seeing his shot bash the face of the upright and roll away. It would have been an outstanding goal to cap the peak of the winger's resurgence. He looks like the kid in the playground at the moment. He's loving it. We're loving him. This is the Johnson we paid £11m for.
Sunderland capped it all off through Colback near the end of the fifth beer. We broke in numbers again. Borini slipped the ginger legend inside the left channel of the penalty area. He slammed the ball into the roof of the net. 0-3. Again! Radge!
Sunderland just eased out the last ten, completing a comprehensive victory over their rivals. Ruddy excellent, if you ask me.
It can only be onwards and upwards from here. 24 points shoots us into mid table. With our own excellence easing the pressure, a cup final to look forward too and a pudding faced ex manager to return next week; things can only get better, surely?