Well your usually Fantasy Football Pilot, Nick Holden, has upped sticks for a couple of weeks to seek fame and fortune in the USA, so I'm filling in for him with no doubt plenty of tips to avoid this week.
So let's examine what Nick left you with last week, starting with a recommendation that you take on Jozy Altidore. I do admit that £7.0m looks appealing for the American frontman, but once again he's failed to do much in a fantasy-sense, adding only two points to his previous two. Personally though, I suggest you stick with him for at least one more week.
Nick's other top tip was Nathan Redmond after the England youth international put in a decent performance against Everton. Neither translated well to the fantasy side of things though, and again this brought in a meager two points if you selected him.
Now to a little bit of praise for Mr Holden though, in that he managed to state the bleeding obvious when he suggested you avoid Stephane Sessegnon. The wantaway striker returned only one point this week, which is almost as pathetic as his performance in real life.
Fernando Torres started on the bench for Chelsea against Manchester United, which should tell you all you needed to know. Well played Nick, well played.
Sunderland Player To Watch - Keiren Westwood
After a fine display against Southampton, the Irishman looks entrenched as our number one. And whilst we've a tendency to give away a goal or two, that's not too bad in the world of fantasy. With Westwood priced at just £4.5m, you'd be wise to snap him up before the price increases.
General Player To Watch - Seamus Coleman
Coleman is one of those players you have to pick up in fantasy football. Seasoned players of course already know that. The fact he's seemingly mis-labelled as a defender when he's been bombing forward in midfield and attack for Roberto Martinez' side means he's worth picking up.
£5.2m is a snip for Coleman, and with Everton not suspect at all defensively, combined with the fact he's a key midfield assist-maker and hard worker, he'll be sure to add to the 19 points he already has this season.
Sunderland Player To Avoid - Jack Colback
Last week it was Stephane Sessegnon, and likely would be this week too if it wasn't so bleedingly obvious. So in the interests of changing things up a little, my one to avoid this week is Jack Colback.
I like the lad in reality, but why he's still owned in 10.2% of leagues is baffling. He's playing defence and being wrongly categorised as a midfielder by the Premier League's fantasy game, meaning he's even less likely to pick up any meaningful points. Points he didn't really pick up in the first place.
£4.5m is cheap, don't get me wrong, but it could be used better elsewhere like Cardiff's Aron Gunnarson (£5.0m) or James Ward-Prowse of Southampton (£4.5m).
General Player To Avoid - Romelu Lukaku
Much like me, you probably bought the hype headed into the season. A stellar season at West Brom combined with Jose Mourinho's love of a big man meant signs were pointing to Lukaku being a beast.
The value of £7.7m however is absolutely mind-blowing, and he should be avoided at all costs. So far for that rather hefty price he's returned you two points. I'm sure you must be delighted. Go and get someone cheaper who's actually playing. At least they've a chance of scoring.
The Roker Report League
Robert Sweet loses his place at the top of the league this week with Luke Taylor being the top boy both with his selections and having the rather amusingly-titled team "50 Shades Of O'Shea".
Goals in his side for Soldado, Giroud, Dzeko and Giaccherini meant he walked off with this weeks top honour. Well done him, although curiously no John O'Shea in his side.
In the writers' league you'll find David Boyle once again leading the pack with Sub-Standard Liege, up in 43rd place in the league.
But all this pales into insignificance compared to Craig Clark's "Forza Mackems" who stormed into 20th position, and despite the team name contains no Sunderland players. Actually if you want to win, that's probably a good thing.
Luke Bowley's amusing-titled AliadiereForceOne take a nose-dive into 81st position, at time of writing.
After scrolling through for ages we eventually find Farcelona in 123rd spot, managed by Mr Holden, followed in Stephen Goldsmiths' "Meh" in 290th, and some loser who's dished out all the above advice called Simon Walsh who finds himself in 296th position.
Shout outs to some of the eye-catching names spotted in the near 400-strong league, some of which are puntastic, the others plain confusing. So in not particular order... Herder Bremen, Tasty Casserole, Barca-Bone-Her and Malaysian Molesters.
A quick random check found nobody with Mags in their team, but beware as next week it might be you.