SAFC 0-5 Manchester City (A)

Thoroughly depressing game, not much of note that we can really talk about as far as the positives go. Second best all over the pitch, and some questions need to be asked. However, they can be asked another day.

Luckily for me, the fact we're on the Internet and giving myself license to write whatever the hell I feel, I'm going to do just that. Hopefully bringing some entertainment to a game which of which there was none from the SAFC side of things.

So with that in mind, here comes our report, as it may have sounded in an 1920's-esque Pathe News report. Yes the game was that dull and depressing from our side, I might as well take the piss as much as our team did. If you want a proper report, go somewhere else. For now though, enjoy...

Manchester, England was the scene of the crime as blue side of City won the day with a ritzy performance over Sunderland, where the Black Cats failed to purr.

It was heavy going for Sunderland who looked like they spent the previous evening in a local juice joint, sipping on one too many Mint Juleps as the City Boys took the lead after only 8 minutes.

Young upstart Danny Welbeck found himself in the unlikely defensive position, putting in a weak challenge on Yaya Toure as adopted Scotsman Phil Bardsley chased the ball, abandoning Adam 'The Kid' Johnson allowing him to get the proceedings off to a flyer, and the Sunderland defence made to look like they're collecting wooden nickels.

It was only a few minutes later when there was more baloney in the Black Cats defence as a long ball over their  heads was controlled by Carlos Tevez, and that man Bardsley again the fall guy. Bardsley collided with Tevez, and to me it looked like the Argentine really hoodwinked referee Webb as he was never going to be able to get the ball. A collective cry of "Ah Horsefeathers!" went up from the travelling fans as Tevez converted the penalty kick himself past Simon Mignolet.

Stephane "The Benin Bomber" Sessegnon provided some ducky moves down the right hand side and managed to get a cross in for Welbeck as Sunderland tried to get back into things, but it was all in vain as it was nothing more than a swing and a miss from the new England international.

The Black Cats shifted gears in an attempt to get back into things moving to a 4-5-1 formation as they attempted to get a wiggle on but the game came to a close for the opening 45 2-0 down, and City really on the trolley.

The second period was no better for Sundelrand, team boss Steve Bruce traded in his Breezer for a Jalopy in subbing Jordan Henderson for Bolo Zenden.

It was only moments later when City added the third goal too. David Silva, who had been the cats meow all afternoon scored following a blocked shot by Yaya "Gams" Toure. Game over, and Sunderland's hot date really turning into a flat tire.

Four minutes later our boys found themselves four goals down as they stumbled around the pitch like Joe Palooka after a heavy night on the sauce. Patrick "Hard Boiled" Vieira scoring with his first touch, and another Bronx Cheer was heard all the way back on the streets of Roker from the visiting supporters.

Very little else happened until the City Slickers got their fifth goal, and it was a doozy from the captain Lee Cattermole. Cattermole looking all wet as he proceeded to play the ball back into defence foolishly rather than put it out for a throw in. Toure extended his gams once again and put on the ritz to an already fine performance.

In the last few moments Ahmed "The Out Of Towner" Elmohamady had the chance to salvage some pride, but his free-header went well side of Joey Hart's goalmouth and it was the icing on the cake of Sunderland's poor performance.

City could have had a sixth goal in the last kick of the game. Mario "The Wild Man" Balotelli's piledriver seemed destined for the back of the onion bag but Simon "The Missile" Mignolet was on a level to tip the ball up and over.

Ratings:

22 Mignolet - 6/10 - Not much the fella could do about the goals.
02 Bardsley - 5/10 - Doozy of a game for the fullback, and rightly withdrawn on the half.
04 Turner - 6/10 - Back from injury and fairly safe and sound throughout.
05 Mensah - 4/10 - The big man caught in a pickle all afternoon.
06 Cattermole - 6/10 - Lots of running, but with little reward.
10 Henderson - 5/10 - The kid looks real tired, perhaps Bruce could cut the kid some slack.
11 Muntari - 5/10 - Big guy looked languid in possession, and an all round poor game.
17 Welbeck - 6/10 - The young upstart was always dropping too deep for possession.
28 Sessegnon - 6/10 - I like the kids moxy, but he can't deliver a finish.
29 Ferdinand - 4/10 - The guys like a freaking bull in a china shop, load of raspberries.
33 Gyan - 6/10 - Again, lots of running, but the service to him was total baloney.

Subs:

07 Zenden - 6/10 - Played alright for an old jalopy in a struggling team.
25 Colback - 5/10 - I can't remember the firey-headed midfield man touching the ball!
27 Elmohamady - 5/10 - The guy missed a great chance to score but he blew it, what a drag.

Right, back to reality...

The game was sh*t. no other word for it, and Bruce desperately needs to shake things up headed into the next game before we get sucked into a relegation battle once again.

Now over 7 hours without a goal, and a team famed for it's steely defence looks shot to pieces.

Now a crucial game next week against West Brom, and one we can ill-afford to drop points in.

I'm keeping the faith, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. Let's forget all about this one. We've been on a poor run (to put it mildly) and hopefully this is rock bottom, and we can only get better. I hope. Please?

FTM.

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